Tag Archives: healing dreams

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CAN DIVORCE LEAD TO HEALING?

Is it possible that divorce can be a positive thing, in terms of spiritual growth?

I’ve written on this topic before (Divorce as Spiritual Growth, 2017), but that was eight years ago. Since then, however, the experiences and the memories of the divorce intrude, unbidden, showing up on the scrolling feed of my consciousness. Sometimes, this is quite upsetting. “Aren’t I done with it?, I muse.

In a recent dream, I enjoyed a very heartfelt and honest conversation with my ex-wife. I hadn’t seen her in nearly 12 years, which feels unbelievable that it’s been so long. Initially, we were speaking to each other from the opposite side of a glass barrier; but at the end, we sat side-by-side in a booth, like at a soda shop. With a sincere heart, I said to her, “I want you to know, I forgive you. I know you had to leave in order to be true to yourself.” She looked a little blinded by my words, but receptive.

Had I forgiven her before? Yes. But never in such a heart-felt way. Was this what Paul talks about in I Corinthians: “For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” (13:12) To love as God love is not, in my experience anyway, a frequent thing, if I’m honest. If it happens at all, it’s pure grace, because that is what God’s love is – an undeserved, unconditional gift.

I haven’t called my ex-wife yet to tell her the good news. I’m considering it, though.

I haven’t called her, in part because I think the dream is more about me. What I know from my understanding of Jungian psychology is that characters in dreams are most often about parts of myself. Was I actually forgiving me for all those qualities I projected onto my ex-wife. It certainly seems so. That would be true to the purpose of dreams – to help us grow.

But, this is what we do in romantic love. We project aspects of ourselves onto our beloved partners. My shy, introverted self, projects my outgoing, social self or uninhibited self into the other, so I can – unconsciously love myself through loving her. “She completes me,” we’ve heard in books and movies over and over. Unfortunately though, this trick of our psyches robs the other of a bit of her autonomy and freedom. She returns the favor, and all is well….Until it’s not.

As the rose-colored glasses lose their tint, and we see more clearly, we see behind the veil of romance – the rough edges, the bad breath after a night of eating and drinking, the competing needs and petty foibles, and irritating compulsive habits – we all have them you know. But if we’re truly responsible, we use what annoys us to take a look at ourselves – those qualities and characteristics in ourselves we’d rather ignore or disown.

Divorce can be a revolving doorway to yet another relationship and another and another; or it can be a doorway into openness to what that mysterious Self within is trying to accomplish — the project of becoming whole. The challenges and the gift of becoming the persons we are meant to be. Can I love the light and the dark within myself? Maybe only then, can I see clearly how to love another fellow traveler, setting them free from the laborious task of carrying my projections. Supporting them in their own journey towards wholeness.

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Healing and Dreams

Healing-DreamWhat is the connection between dreams and healing? Do you have a story about this? And if so, would you share it for the benefit of others. This topic is a current research interest of mine, so your experience may be exactly what someone else needs.

Here’s a recent experience of my own, which I take to be an experience of healing. I’m a bit agnostic about this kind of thing, because I’m just beginning to develop language and concepts that make some intuitive sense. Like a lot of spiritual things, though, it’s just hard to prove. So here’s the story.

I’ve recently been having trouble with an arthritic knee. The doctor says it needs to be replaced someday, which is quite popular for men and women in my age bracket. Pop the old joint out and in with the new! OK, I say, but privately I wondered if there might be another way.

So, I believe in the power of “three.” If an idea or a thought or a solution comes my way once, I’m interested but never act on it. If the same thing occurs twice, then it definitely has my attention, but then I wait. And if a third “coincidental” idea occurs, I take it as something I need to pursue. With my knee issue, this happened in the following way: 1) A friend suggested acupuncture; 2) one of my psychotherapy clients reported success working with a specific acupuncturist locally; and 3) a dream came to me in which the core image was one of unconventional healing taking place — not on a knee specifically, but unconventional healing was the theme. I figured I should take notice and act!

Well, I went to see the acupuncturist to whom I was recommended. We have been working together now for about 6 weeks and 10 sessions. And today, I can say that it feels like a “miracle.” Now I believe miracles are the result of natural law that we don’t fully comprehend yet. I have 80-90% less pain and inflammation than I had when I began working with the acupuncturist, but I’m still a bit agnostic — who knows how long this will last. Who knows if this is what is considered to be spiritual healing or healing from God? But I believe it is.

I like Carl Jung’s definition of God.

To this day “God” is the name by which I designate all things which cross my willful path violently and recklessly, all things which upset my subjective views, plans and intentions, and change the course of my life for better or for worse.”

God can only reach us when we let down our ego perspectives long enough to be caught, wooed, or seduced by God. And until proven otherwise, I choose to believe that between a friend, a client’s off-hand recommendation, and an image of healing from one of my dreams, God is working to ease my pain.

How about you? How to you view healing, dreams, and the work of God on body and soul?

Amen